This week is the UMass Queerfest and here is the itinerary of events. I know you are just dying to attend the Condom Olympics, so click on the poster below to enlarge it and get all the details.
John was going through a divorce and his wife was taking him to the cleaners. In an attempt to avoid bankruptcy, he decided to contact his friend Artie, a psychopath who killed for pleasure.
Artie was willing to kill his wife, despite the fact that John had only three dollars to offer him. Artie said it would be fun. He followed John's wife to the Big Y supermarket, and got her alone in the produce aisle. There he strangled her with his bare hands. However suddenly a customer appeared, so Artie had to strangle her too lest there be a witness.
What Artie forgot was that there was a surveillance camera in the store, and he was quickly identified and arrested. The headline in the next morning's Springfield Republican read:
ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR THREE DOLLARS AT BIG Y.