The Baystate Objectivist

The Baystate Objectivist

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Why We Lost

Darn it, we lost! The nationwide contest to determine which of the many Springfield's in America should be the one officially designated as most like the fictional one in The Simpsons cartoon show went to, of all places, dinky little Springfield, Vermont. What? Vermont has more cows than people! At least Springfield, Illinois is a state capitol! I'm tellin' ya, we wuz robbed!

Actually our video was sort of lame, but then so was everyone else's. I mean all the Vermont video had going for it was a giant donut rolling around town. Has the level of humor in America sunk so low that seeing someone take a flying leap at a rolling donut is the height of sophisticated humor?

Truth is, I told the makers of our video how to win, and gave em' the advice for free, but they just wouldn't listen! But in fairness, all the Springfield's made the same basic mistake: They focused on how the rest of the nation would view them, and frankly the fans of the Simpson's couldn't care less about any Springfield on the planet. They want to laugh, and what do Simpson's fans laugh at? Outrageous stuff that's crass and ridiculous and dripping with irony. How could our Springfield lose a contest like that?

Oh the lost opportunities! Good grief, all that we had to do is show highlights from the Ardolino trial and we would have won hands down! Instead we had Ted Kennedy saying "chowdah" like somehow that was wicked pissah. They should have had Mike Albano waving a jar of spaghetti sauce while the music from the Godfather played! We should have shown Jerry Phillips chasing a Puerto Rican welfare mother around a hotel room with a wiffle bat! We should have shown Papa Ray running out of a laundry room with a suitcase full of quarters! We should have shown archival footage of Chris Asselin throwing a temper tantrum after he was thrown out of office! The City Council could've dressed as clowns and.... wait a minute, no costumes necessary.

Oh well, while defeat leaves Springfield nothing to celebrate, it also leaves nothing to apologize for. In my opinion, all of the videos were so bad that it was really a coin toss who won. And there were a few positives in the way the community got excited about the contest and the publicity that was generated, with our Springfield getting at least passing mention in several major media outlets.

So a pat on the back is still in order for everyone who participated, from the producers to the citizens who voted online to even the critics who sneered from the sidelines. The contest made Springfield sort of come together for a little while, and that is always a total plus.

One of the coolest places in Northampton has always been Bob's Hobby Shop on King Street, with its chilltown underground entrance way featuring a monster and witch.

It was so cool it long ago outgrew it's subterranean lair, but now it has relocated to a much larger space just down the street, in the vacant spot next to the 7-11.

That's a great spot, and right across the street from the Science Store! We science nerds are usually comic book collectors and gamers too, so now we can do all our nerdy shopping in one convenient area! Hurray! King Street is turning into a nerd paradise!


Anonymous said...

Don't forget about Bob's other (and original) location on Dickinson St in Springfield.

Anonymous said...


I read your blog today and it is the third time I've ventured there. I must compliment you for having one of the best blogs posted on the whole MassLive site. Some times I go there and bum out because the featured blogs are sometimes hopelessly out of me a true blog no-no.

I write a blog (see link below) and manage a network of ten blogs--they all have to do with travel because I also edit a big travel website based in S. Deerfield called

They are all updated nearly daily and for me, my blog has become a really important part of my day.

I own a cafe in South Deerfield and would love to meet you some time. Maybe that's because I can relate to anyone who is still 420 friendly in this day and age and who keeps a good lively blog updated.

Stop up some time if you're travels take you north. It's called GoNOMAD CAFE, in the center of town. Bring your laptop you can blog from our cafe!

Max Hartshorne
4a Sugarloaf St.
P.O. Box 4
S. Deerfield, MA 01373