The Baystate Objectivist

The Baystate Objectivist

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


A visit to the Craft Center.

Hey everybody, let's stop in at the UMass Craft Center in the Student Union!

This is where you get and return your tools.

There are a lot of things you can make. I'm not really into leather, but I respect those who are.

This James Dean stand-up is modeling a handmade bag.

This is the darkroom, which in this digital age I doubt anyone uses.

But back in the Stone Age when I was at UMass, the photo lab was the hottest spot in the Crafts Center. In those days it was expensive to have film developed so I could save a lot of money by developing it myself. Plus I could be arty with the pics in a way that was impossible if I just dropped off my film at Peter's Drugs in ol' Pine Pine. You could also develop and print pictures of your naked adventures with your friends, which was illegal at the time for stores to do.

Now however, in this filmless world of digital cameras, the darkroom is an abandoned museum piece.

At The World Famous Thomas M. Balliet Elementary School we used to make marbled paper. This is a vanishing art from the early days of book publishing, when books were largely handmade. The marbled paper would be used to make a colorful design on the inside of the book cover. No books are sold that way anymore, but you can still use the technique to make beautiful psychedelic designs.

Some people make banners, like this Warholian self-portrait and Grateful Dead bear.

I felt a little nostalgic visiting the Craft Center today, and I still believe that every student should make the center a part of their UMass experience.

Someone sent me this funny picture about the journalistic love affair between Barack Obama and senator wannabe Chris Matthews.

A strange silhouette beneath a Northampton overpass.

Finally, in another time's forgotten space, your eyes looked upon your mother's face....

A narcotics officer stops at a farm in Amherst and talks with an old hippie. He tells the hippie, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The old hippie says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The narcotics officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority
of the Federal Government with me."

Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge, the narcotics officer proudly displays it to the hippie.

"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish - on any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old hippie nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old hippie hears loud screams and sees the narcotics officer running
for his life. Close behind is the hippie's raging bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the narcotics officer and the narcotics officer is totally terrified.

The old hippie immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs....

"Your badge! Show him your badge!"


Anonymous said...

"the journalistic love affair between Barack Obama and senator wannabe Chris Matthews"
nothing will compare to the total butt licking that obama will receive from all the media pukes who so dearly miss billy bent dick clinton. get your heavy duty barf bags ready

Mary E.Carey said...

That joke is hilarious, assuming I get it.