The Baystate Objectivist

The Baystate Objectivist

Monday, April 2, 2007

The Valley List

This list has been floating around for years, but everytime I see it it's longer and better. It's as if it were a wiki that people keep contributing to. I've culled a few that I thought were lame, leaving you with the best of the current list.

You know you are from Western Mass when...

You're driving 75 on 91 and the idiot from Connecticut behind you is
flashing his lights to pass.

The fact that Routes 5 and 10 are basically the same doesn't confuse you.

You are not afraid of the East Longmeadow rotary.

You actually stop for pedestrians in least in

You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Bernardston, Athol,
Charlemont, Amherst, Palmer and Holyoke;

You have driven to New York State or Brattleboro, Vermont when you
were 18 to buy beer. (Some of us made this trip much younger!)

You know that the "Calvin Coolidge" is a bridge.

You know what they sell at "packies".

You prayed that the Patriots would move to Hartford.

You laugh at all of the other New England states, especially Connecticut.

You know at least one American Legion (or Polish Club) where you can get served after last call.

You can't comprehend how anyone can find their way around Boston.

You have gone to at least one party at Umass.

You give directions by always referring to where places used to be,
i.e., "It's in West Springfield across from where Abdow's used to be"

Colleges are used as landmarks for direction, i.e., "From Mt. Holyoke go past Hampshire College until you reach Amherst. Go straight through the lights to Umass."

You believe that Bobby Orr is the greatest athlete that ever lived.

You know at least one guy named Stan, Rene, or Sully.

You know that all directions for getting to Westfield start with
"You go to the Purple Onion.....".

You laughed at the kids down south because they never get snow days.

You truly believe that the Memorial Bridge reconstruction project
was the biggest traffic nightmare this state has ever seen.

You know that the Honeypot is a section of Hadley, not a serving
container. (Those of us who traveled the Far East might think it is
something else.)

You have never been to the Basketball Hall of Fame.

You cried when they closed Mountain Park. (It's closed?)

You know where Ware is.

You know that there is a bigger difference between Longmeadow and
East Longmeadow than just a compass direction.

When someone from the Eastern portion of the state calls Umass,
"ZooMass" and you take it as a compliment.

You know that people who call Northampton, "NoHo" are not from 'Hamp'.

You're happy the Red Sox won the world series in your lifetime to
get even with all of the Yankee fans that you have to work with.

You know that springtime means fresh native asparagus.

You know that a "T" is something you wear, not ride to work on.

You take your life in your own hands crossing any local bridge
because all of the state's highway funding has been diverted to the Big Dig.

You know that Hadley is where the buffalo roam, and that it is next
to the People's Republic of Amherst.

You are proud to drink Northampton Ale and think that the rest of
New England (or the world) owes The Brewery a debt of gratitude for
inventing the micro-brew pub.

You think St. Patrick's Day is better than Christmas and you know
where the world's second largest St. Patty's Day parade is held (hint:
NOT Boston).

You go to the Berkshires, instead of "down the Cape".

You know that the best Italian pizza joints are all owned by Greeks.

You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Old Deerfield (or both) on a
grammar school field trip.

You know that Wilbraham is the home of Friendly's.

You actually believe that the Oxbow Marina is "The Boat Mall of the

You know that Westhampton is a drytown.

You know where the town of Enfield, MA is located.

You know that the Pike is free from Ludlow to New York.

You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and Hadley is 90% Polish.

You know at least one person who works at Yankee Candle and can get you a discount!

You know that the potholes in Shelburne Falls are not in the roads.

If the restroom in your elementary school was called "the basement", even if it was on the 3rd floor.

You used to read the Valley Advocate.

You remember Riverside Amusement Park.

You've snuck into the Exposition

Arlo Guthrie is your neighbor.

You've been snowed on in June.

You avoid "The Flats"

You're glad you live in Western MA.


Bill Dusty said...

I lost my fear of the East Longmeadow rotary many, many years ago - though I still occasionally hear the loud "CRUNCH!" of cars getting broadsided after thinking they were driving into a four-way stop at Maple & Shaker.

I can see the Hall of Fame's "ball tower" from the end of my street, but I have never been inside of the place. I did once go to the old one (next door) when it first opened.

Anonymous said...

Here's another bit you know if you live in the valley that this place will likely never be knocked down.