The Baystate Objectivist

The Baystate Objectivist

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

All Wet

What a mess!

Last night a terrible "wintry mix" roared through our Valley, first snowing like the dickens and then turning to torrential rain. The result was a big sloppy unholy mess such as seen at this swamped intersection in downtown Amherst.

It was a real challenge trying to get around on foot, but also slippery as hell by vehicle.

My bus into Amherst this morning was twenty minutes late in arriving because it got caught in a snowbank. Giant piles of snow were left by the plows all over the place.

If these shop owners expect to receive any customers, they better get out and shovel!

Hey everybody it's time for Amherst College's Annual Wretched Writing Contest!

Here's the requirements:

Every winter, as we moan and groan and wait for spring to come, the Writing Center sponsors the WRETCHED WRITING CONTEST. The rules:

1. Each entry must be intentionally wretched. All of us have written badly, and that's not all that entertaining. When you sit down to enter this contest, you must consciously attempt to write a truly awful sentence.

2. Each entry must be only ONE sentence, and it must fit in one of the following genres of writing: academic prose, romance, mystery, science fiction, horror, or poetry.

3. Each entry must be funny. There are no exceptions to this rule.

4. If your entry wins, you get a prize. A good one, we think.

Submit your entry via email to by February 29th for a chance at infamy!

Last year the Romance Category was won by Jacqueline Zaneri '10 with this drivel:

His lips on hers were greedy, ravenous, like a hungry Pac Man in pursuit of the white dots, pausing now and then to dodge Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde.

Caitlin Shaw '07 won in the Poetry Category:


is a deep

and profound poem (be)

cause all the words are

far apart

(and there are some weird


You get the idea. I'll publish some of this year's winners when they are announced. In the meantime, let the wretched writing flow like you know what at Bondi's Island!

Thoughts of Amherst is a publication that releases the best academic work of Amherst College students in all areas of endeavor. This erotic work of painting by Sierra Cobb '08 made the front cover.

To get your copy of Thoughts of Amherst click here.

This big green wall by where I live in Northampton is marked with graffiti. I like the orange tree, but everything else is pretty crude.

Yesterday in downtown Hamp I videoed this street musician singing for her supper:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I picked up the Feb 6th issue of The Amherst Student. Amherst College students seem to love using dirty words.
It must be so hard to be hip and rebellious today, when almost everything is permissible.